I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
