I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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