I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize