Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
