tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize