she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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