You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
