i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
