So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Randomize
