Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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