Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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