I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
