got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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