I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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