you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
