I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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