Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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