y did u give ur computer a hand job?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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