I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize