I'm lost and stupid without you.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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