We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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