If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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