I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
