I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
