well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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