You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
