I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
