oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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