Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
