I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
time to smoke my breakfast
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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