Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
