it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
