Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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