if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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