her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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