Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
