so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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