Bisexual people are plain selfish.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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