i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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