the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
