dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
