I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
