God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
