I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
