Don't make out with my wife yet
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
