a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
