I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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