New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
