There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
