You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
