Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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