The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
