Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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