I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
