If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
i've created a new STD.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
