Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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