every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
