i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize