he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
