Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
