I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
