I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize