On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
