I molested 6 butterflies tonight
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
