he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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