She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
