So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
