Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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