Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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