respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Farmville is her only friend.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
FUCK WHALES
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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