If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
