omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
