it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We don't watch enough power rangers
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
