anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
