This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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