I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
