Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I need to wash the frat house off of me
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
