I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
