My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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