he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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