Do vagina's smell?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
