cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
i believe in u and ur pee
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
