Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
