Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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