i think my mom watched the whole time
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize