woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
All the doctor said was why
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
