I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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