oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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