Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
