saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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