Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
