Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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