I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
