enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
