If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Randomize