I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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