There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize