my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
