so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
