I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize