You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
