It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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