I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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