dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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