Will you blow on my dice?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
